The Extra Survivor
by Ripper22
Summary: A fat sassy penguin. Some psychotic evil boy. The lazy knight. A villainous gerudo gangster. A cold-hearted female bounty hunter. A drug-taking psychic jackal. All these various characters and more, on Ripper's amazing new fic: Extra Smashy Survivor!
1. Day 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters in this assemblage of odd and queer characters known as the "Smash Brothers". Nor do I own any crack.

* * *

"Blah blah yes this is Koopa Troopa, hosting for yet another dumb uncreative game show, where we shall now attempt to do a sham off of the Survivor show!" said Koopa as he coffed up some blood and walked over to some supplies.

"In this whatchamacallit, there are 36 people, and three teams! There are twelve people in each team, so do the math. And now, let's skip a few hundred of my cue cards and get to the last few cards!" Said Koopa dramatically. "Now, All of the smash brothers here are in brawl, except one. And everybody hates that he's not in brawl, so whatever. Anyways, here are the teams cuz I really want to get to the good parts!"

**Survivor Teams:**

**Team Koror**

Lucario (Martial Arts Master)  
Ness (Gifted Student)  
Lucas (Psychic)  
King Dedede (King of Dreamland)  
Jigglypuff (Village Idiot)  
Meta-Knight (Code Breaker)  
Yoshi (Retired Actor)  
Captain Olimar (Hocotatian)  
Wolf (Space Corsair)  
R.O.B. (Robot)  
Mr. Game & Watch (Super Genius)  
Link (Psychiatrist)

**Team Platinum**

Samus (Bounty Hunter)  
Mewtwo (Super Genius/Psychic)  
Fox (Starfox Employer)  
Falco (Starfox Employee)  
Captain Falcon (F-Zero Champion)  
Ganondorf (Super Villain)  
Popo (Mountaineer)  
Nana (Mountaineer)  
Wario (Entrepreneur)  
Pit (General of Palutena's Army)  
Toon Link (Treasure Hunter)  
Sonic (Athlete)

**Team Kiosk**

Mario (Super Hero)  
Luigi (Plumber)  
Bowser (Super Villain)  
Peach (Princess)  
Kirby (Puffball)  
Diddy Kong (Boy Scout)  
Donkey Kong (Firefighter)  
Pikachu (Pokemon Mascot)  
Zelda (Princess)  
Snake (Soldier)  
Marth (Swordsman)  
Ike (Anger Management Class-taker)

"Yes, now these guys have to survive on this…place…for uh…a certain extended period of time!" said Koopa. "Nobody cares about this bull crap, so let's go onward."

"You will each have to go to your respective camps. Team Kiosk, this is your camp. Team Dedede, yours is on the other side of this 400 yard long island. And uh, Team Platinum, you guys can go pick your place. Because I don't give a damn where you guys are."

Ganondorf swore and flipped off Koopa for being racist, the others just grunted in annoyance.

The three teams marched off towards their respected locations.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

"Well, looking at our team, we can tell we have some pretty intelligent teammates," said Lucario, the leader, smirking as he walked off ahead of the pack, with Ness and Lucas the only other two psychics on the team.

"And us three are easily the top three," said Ness, smiling stupidly. "We can lead on King Dedede into thinking he'll win!"

…

"Okay, what are we saying?" asked Lucas, "I was busy trying to figure out how to light a torch…"

Ness and Lucario slapped Lucas.

Behind them, King Dedede was coaxing the other team members to make him the leader.

"Listen y'all, I just deserve to be the team leader," spat King Dedede to the others in his stereotypical Texan accent. "There don't need to be a reason, because I'm the greatest!"

R.O.B. just replied, "Does not compute. Please try again."

…

King Dedede crushed R.O.B. with his hammer.

"I'll vote for you, King Dedede!" smiled Jigglypuff. "I'm your biggest fan!"

"Do you know who he is?!" asked Yoshi angrily, "He's the so called ruler of dreamland, and he torments the local village into liking him!"

"Wait…who's King Dedede again?" asked Jigglypuff.

…

* * *

_Tribe Kiosk_

"Yes-a, no traveling for us!" said Mario in his accent.

"Let's make camp now!" said Bowser, throwing down some firewood.

"DAMMIT I WANTED TO BE LEADER WHY CAN'T I BE LEADER I WANNA BE LEADER WHY CAN'T I HUH?!?" screeched Ike annoyingly.

"This is why you're not in as many FE games as me," explained Marth casually.

"Okay, I'll light the fire!" said Diddy Kong, "I practiced all this stuff in Scouts!"

He dramatically stood above the firewood, and… …used a match to light it.

Everyone gasped and stared in amazement.

* * *

_Tribe Platinum_

"Ugh, I don't want to be with my psychotic little sister," said Popo, looking scared.

"Psychotic?" asked Samus, amused.

"Uh…yeah…" nodded Popo, ducking under a tree.

"Oh brother," sang Nana, cackling as she searched for Popo with a chainsaw.

"Hey dawgs, let's get workin' and beat them other teams, yo," said Ganondorf. "…Cuz I'm a G!!1"

…

"Okay…" said Falco, confused. "What should we do?"

"Well, I'm the leader, so I should pick my second in command," said Samus. "I pick…Mewtwo."

"Wise choice," said Mewtwo.

"Dammit you guys all suck!" cried Toon Link, running off.

"Hey buddy…" whispered Wario, tugging on Pit's sleeve. "…Wanna buy some crack?"

"Boy, do I ever!" said Pit. "So what's crack?" asked pit as he handed some dough to the fat greasy man.

"You'll see…you'll see!" cackled Wario as he counted the money.

"I'm CAPTAIN FALCON!!1" said Falcon. "The coolest guy! I do all kinds of cool stunts and tricks, nobody beats me!"

…

* * *

_Wario  
Entrepreneur  
Age: 35  
Tribe Platinum_

"My goal is to sell as much illegal drugs to my teammates to the point where they all get their asses eliminated so I can win and at least get 24th place," laughed Wario arrogantly.

"And, if I don't get voted out in the first few time arounds, like the first four, I'll be doing good," said Wario.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

"Ah yes, almost there," laughed Ness as he tripped on the ground, breaking his nose and spurting blood all over the place.

Ness got a glance at the blood, and his eyes turned red.

"Yes…yesss! Blood everywhere, mwa-hahahahahahahahaaaaa," cackled Ness, evilly, as he drew a knife and ran off to stab someone.

…

"OH GOD HE'S GONE INSANE ALREADY," said Lucas loudly as he hid behind Lucario.

"What the hell was that for?" asked Lucario as he smoked five packs of cigarettes…at the same time.

"Ness has gone mad and is now trying to kill everyone!" said Lucas in shock.

"Nooo…" said Lucario sarcastically, injecting a syringe with drugs in his system. "Now I can easily think with drugs in my system!"

"Guys we need to be cooperating," said Wolf gruffily as he watched Lucario kick Lucas away, Ness try to kill Yoshi and Olimar, Mr. Game & Watch beeping repeatedly and no-one understanding him, R.O.B. on the ground and not moving, and King Dedede and Meta-Knight watching in amusement.

He turned to Link. "What are you gonna do?"

"I figured if I seem boring enough, everyone will ignore me and forget about me so I won't be eliminated," explained Link. Boringly.

* * *

_Tribe Kiosk_

"Okay-a, let's Try to-a beat those other stupid-a teams!" said Mario confidently, Luigi mumbling to himself as he tried to remove DK off the tree.

"Meh, this place is boring, all of us here suck," said Bowser, breathing fire onto the pile of wood, igniting it, "And I'm gonna eliminate Mario first, so we can have me as a leader."

"Poyo!" said Kirby cheerfully, devouring the tribe's food just because he could.

"Now, if there's ever a shortage on food," reminded Snake to Pikachu, "Remember what old Snake tells you… …that your teammates are edible."

Pikachu gulped and backed up a few inches.

* * *

_Pikachu  
Pokemon Mascot  
Age: 20  
Tribe Kiosk_

"With me and Snake being generally friends in real life," explained Pikachu, "We're obviously gonna help one another if we ever run into trouble or if the others turn on one of us."

* * *

"There's gonna be a reward challenge guys!" said Ness, evilly to his tribe.

"Great, we'll be headed over there," said Lucario, kicking Lucas and Mr. Game & Watch awake.

Mr. Game & Watch beeped angrily at the tribe leader.

Lucario ripped off R.O.B.'s re-energize cord, making him come out of his motionless state.

"Come on, Reward challenge." Reminded Lucario, waking more members.

"Meh I say," said King Dedede to R.O.B. and Mr. Game & Watch. "If I was tribe leader, we could sleep as long as we would want to, geddit, guys?" asked Dedede.

R.O.B. and Mr. Game & Watch nodded agreeingly.

"That's why we should overthrow them psychics and make me the leader!" said King Dedede satisfyingly.

* * *

_Reward Challenge_

"This challenge is for…uh…some food…?" said Koopa, uninterested.

Kirby, who had been watching, cheered "Poyo!" and ran towards the food.

His tribe restrained him quickly.

"Now, in this challenge, teams must-"

"This isn't the freaking Amazing Race," explained Lucario angrily, "Which I didn't **BEEP**ing win!"

"We know, you and Victor suck, so stop talking about it, nobody cares, dammit!" said Koopa angrily. "Anyways, before I was interrupted by a freaking homosexual that nobody cares abou-"

"That was an accident!" shrieked Lucario in his gay stereotypical lisp, "That's just, oh my gosh, so rude to assume something about my sexuality! It's rude I say, rude!"

"Shut the hell up, and now, the challenge is…you must try to run across this river, that's infested by foreign piranha fish! And no, that doesn't mean we are the ones who illegally brought them here when piranha fishes actually live halfway across the planet and you can see a sign behind me that says that Koopa the host is lying and he himself commited the crime and ha ha if he reads this because he's actually a- I'm not saying that out loud," said Koopa rapidly as he furiously stomped the sign down and called his lawyer.

"The task is simple, choose between the rope to swing across, or the bridge, it's your choice, tribes Koror and Platinum!" said Koopa. "Ready…Go!"

Lucas ran ahead of the others and used the rope to swing across.

He reached the other side and quickly realized that he had lost both his feet, which had been in the water.

He quickly fainted from blood loss, and had only been two inches away from the flag.

Lucario promptly shoved Wario into the water, who was being devoured.

Ness cackled as he stabbed Falco, missing the bird's internals by mere inches, and he dashed for the flag.

Ganondorf, being the gangster he was, took out a pistol and shot both Mr. Game & Watch and Link.

King Dedede inhaled Samus and spat her on top of Mewtwo, knocking them into the river.

Ness jumped for the flag. Everyone gasped and looked onward.

Suddenly a missile from nowhere shot him in the side and forced him to fly away from the flag.

Samus' handgun was smoking from the missile she shot.

Lucas came to and flopped himself onto the flag.

Tribe Koror cheered.

"Tribe Koror wins, go the hell away now." Said Koopa promptly.

Everyone walked off.

* * *

_Lucario  
Martial Arts Master  
Age: 162  
Tribe Koror_

"The reason people picked me to be the tribe leader was from my great coolness and confident airyness," explained Lucario proudly. "That and uh…because I uh…we…um…"

…

"Because…we decided…that…I'm awesome and…screw this, they just picked me." Said Lucario angrily.

* * *

_Ganondorf  
Super Villain  
Age: 44  
Tribe Platinum_

"Yo dawg, we did terrible this time," lamented Ganondorf. "But there's always a next time, right dudes?"

…

Wario's corpse fell on top of him.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

"I think we did good today," smiled Lucas to the camera as Lucario began singing while he was high, and Ness ran about trying to stab people for the heck of it.

"Yes, my master plan to kill my teammates shall be complete!" laughed Ness evilly.

"I think we suck in general as a team!" said Jigglypuff, smiling dumbly.

…

People in her tribe began throwing stuff at her, like say a used syringe and a cocaine packet.

* * *

_Tribe Platinum_

"Yo peoplez, we gots to do betta than this, yo," said Ganondorf as he watched Falco nurse his wound where his kidney once was.

"Ohhh, I think that kid too my kidney," said Falco as he saw that his left kidney was completely gone, and some of his blood.

"Those guys play cheap," explained Samus, "Though if we can outlast them and somehow outplay them at strength, we can win. They focus on cunning, there's about 6 super geniuses in their tribe, two of them being Lucario and his crony kid sidekicks, Ness and Claus whatshisname. We need to muscle in front of them next challenge if we can."

"Yeah, dawg, that's some thinking, dudette," chuckled Ganondorf. "Yous, me, and Falcon me main G, and that talkin' bird and the smart cat, all five o' us are gonna beat them foo' s and take the top five, know what I meanizzle?"

"Yes," smiled Samus sadistically, "We're gonna own those rascally nerds on Tribe Micronesia…"

* * *

"Ah yes, my beautiful precious," soothed Ness, holding Falco's left kidney. "Everything is gonna be alright…everything will be allll right…" sang Ness.

* * *

_Ness  
Gifted Student  
Age: 13  
Tribe Koror_

"I shall rule, and be the sole survivor," said Ness cackling evilly, "But I must first destroy all competition and focus on my ultimate goal: to win the survivor show!"

…

"What, is everyone doing that nowadays?" asked Ness angrily.

* * *

_Immunity Challenge_

"I'm just gonna go ahead and skip some parts now," explained Koopa annoyingly. "I mean, we have LOTS of people to eliminate, when compared to my older game show the Extra smashy amazing race, (shameless plug, I know)" said Koopa.

"Now for this challenge, teams must…tie down these angry elephants with only rope, and no tranquilizer guns, due to an accident just before the challenge!"

_A flashback of Lucas playing with a tranquilizer gun. He shot himself. He passed out._

"Then they have to safely transport the tied up elephant to their correct cages! First tribe to do so wins immunity. And now, tribes Koror and Kiosk, who shall sit out for this challenge?" asked Koopa, before he passed out from the fifty tranquilizer darts on his turtle shellback.

"We pick…uh…Peach to be out…because she sucks at everything…" said DK confusedly. "But I don't know anything anyways."

Peach walked off and smiled at the camera.

"DAMMIT I WANTED TO BE OUT WHY'D YOU PICK HER TO BE LEADER AND NOT ME HUH?!?" yelled Ike angrily.

"We picked her to sit out from this task," explained Marth angrily.

"…Oh," said Ike, quieting down.

Tribe Koror looked at Lucas' **unconscious** form.

They looked at Meta-Knight, who was lazily lying down.

Tribe Koror looked at Lucas' **unconscious** form.

They looked at Meta-Knight, who was lazily lying down

Tribe Koror looked at Lucas' **unconscious** form.

They looked at Meta-Knight, who was lazily lying down

Tribe Koror looked at Lucas' **unconscious** form.

_They looked at Meta-Knight, who was lazily lying down._

"I say Meta-Knight sits this one out!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Tribe Koror cheered heartily as they ran towards the place where they should be.

"…I don't care," said Meta-Knight lazily. "I'm too lazy to protest anyways."

"Go," said Koopa, who promptly passed out from the over tranquilize dosage.

Everyone ran by his limp form, except Meta-Knight and Peach, who were drinking tea together.

Ness dragged Lucas' cold and still form towards the elephant which was crashing around and breaking everything.

Ness used PK Flash and killed the elephant.

He yanked Lucas' collar. "Come on, aren't you going to help?" asked Ness angrily. "Fine! Don't help!"

DK kicked the elephant down, and held it still, so Mario and Luigi and Bowser could tie the ferocious creature up.

Diddy Kong was so hyper from the action though that he bounced on top of DK, causing the two apes to let the elephant go.

Bowser burned the elephant, and which made it back up towards Pikachu and Snake, who tied the creature up.

Kirby smiled at the camera.

Ness struggled to tie the animal up. "Come on Lucas, I need your PK Rope tie move to help me!"

…

"Won't talk eh?" cackled Ness evilly, "Let's see about that later!"

Luigi was crushed by the elephant's stray foot, giving Ripper brownie points.

DK held the elephant down again.

Out of nowhere the episode fast forwarded, skipping a lot more parts.

Kirby inhaled the elephant and spat it out into the cage.

"Tribe Kiosk has won the immunity challenge!" said Koopa, coming to. "Everyone leave now as I try to figure out what just happened!"

Tribe Koror cried and went home.

* * *

_Tribe Kiosk_

"Hooray, we won the first immunity challenge!" said Snake happily.

"And we're supposedly the worst team!" said Peach, smiling.

"Yes, we have the power to go on," chuckled Bowser. "But on a negative note, I can't vote out Mario, curses, foiled again!"

"Evil never wins, Bowser!" laughed Mario, and Luigi.

Mario turned to Luigi angrily, "Nobody likes you and nobody said you could laugh so shut up!"

Luigi cried.

* * *

_Tribal Council_

"Okay, the fire represents your life," explained Koopa. "And I shall now SNUFF YOU ALL OUT AND WIN BECAUSE I NEVER GET TO WIN AND ONLY WATCH OTHER PEOPLE SUCCED SO WHY CAN'T I WIN?!" Koopa cried.

Everybody voted.

"Okay, the votes!" said Koopa.

Everyone gasped yet again and looked onward.

"Votes one: Link."

A viewage of Link was showed.

"Vote two: Meta-Knight." Said Koopa.

Koopa drew the fourth vote.

"Votes three and four: King Dedede."

Camera showed Lucas looking nervous.

"Vote five: Lucas."

He drew again.

"Vote six: Link, Vote seven and eight: Meta-Knight." Said Koopa.

Everyone noticed Meta-Knight was losing so far.

"Votes nine, ten and eleven: Jigglypuff." Said Koopa.

Everyone gasped. Jigglypuff smiled at the camera sweetly.

"Vote twelve!" said Koopa dramatically. "…Lucas!"

Koopa looked startled at the results.

"Okay…there's a tie apparently. Between Meta-Knight and Jigglypuff, who were actually DATING ironically enough at one point!" gasped Koopa, trying to not look funny.

"A revote!" said Koopa dramatically. "You may only vote for Meta-Knight or Jigglypuff to be eliminated!"

Blah, blah, there was a revote.

"Vote one: Meta-Knight." Read Koopa.

Meta-Knight shrugged it off.

"Vote two, three and four: Meta-Knight," laughed Koopa.

Meta-Knight began to sweat.

"Vote five: Jigglypuff."

Jigglypuff gasped.

"Vote six: Meta-Knight."

Meta-Knight was sweating bullets now.

"Vote seven and eight, Jigglypuff…" said Koopa.

Jigglypuff was praying.

"Vote nine: Jigglypuff!" said Koopa.

"Vote ten and eleven!" said Koopa. "…Jigglypuff!"

Everyone sighed.

"Vote twelve is Meta-Knight, another tie." Said Koopa, enjoying the tension.

"Okay, you ten that aren't Meta-Knight or Jigglypuff, you must talk who should be eliminated before two minutes are up!" said Koopa cheerfully, grinning heartily.

He hit a tiny bell, and the ten other tribe members began talking.

"Okay, I command that Jigglypuff shall go out!" said King Dedede.

"Using my high intellect, I must say… Meta-Knight guys," explained Lucas.

"You failed math class in second grade!" said Ness evilly yet angrily.

…

"Must…eliminate Meta-Knight!" said R.O.B. in his robotic voice.

"Yeah, because I'm cool!" said Link sexily.

…

"I say you leave," said Lucario angrily. "You're boring."

"Yeah!" said Pikachu angrily.

"You're not in our tribe!" said Lucas.

…

"Oh," said Pikachu, running off.

"Vote offen th' puffball, ya scurvy scumbags!" cackled Wolf in his deep pirate-like voice. "If'n yew don't want ter get killed off as a tearrm, we hafter get rid o' th' liddle uns first!"

…

"What?" asked Lucas.

"Time's up!" laughed Koopa, "Now this is the best part! Thank you for getting this far without getting someone out! the tied players are granted immunity and the non-tied players (except anyone who has won individual immunity) are forced to choose rocks out of a bag without looking. The player who chooses the differently colored rock is eliminated!"

…

"OH NOES!" said Lucario, Ness, Lucas, King Dedede, R.O.B., Link, Yoshi, Olimar, Wolf and Mr. Game & Watch.

They each drew a rock.

Link got the differently colored one.

"Hooray!1" cheered everyone because Link was a pointless filler.

"No! I refuse to leave and ashame myself!" said Link angrily, holding his torch, "It shall never die! I'll always haunt you all!" Link cackled evilly.

…

the wind blew harder, making the fire on Link's torch die out.

Link grunted angrily.

* * *

_Farewell Speech_

"This show sucks," said Link angrily.

* * *

_The Voting for the 1st Time_

"You said yourself you wanted to be boring, so this is what you get for being just a stupid person not standing out from the rest," said Lucario angrily, scribbling down Link's name.

"You're too lazy dude," said Yoshi, writing down Meta-Knight's name.

Olimar wrote down King Dedede's name and passed out from the panic attack he had in fear of being found out by the penguin himself.

Lucas wrote down King Dedede.

"Won't help the tribe, eh? This is for you, Lucas!" cackled Ness evilly, writing down Lucas' name.

"Yarr, ye seem boring ter me," said Wolf, writing down "Lynk".

"Must eliminate…must eliminate…" droned ROB as he wrote down Meta-Knight's name.

Mr. Game & Watch wrote down "BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEPPPP!!1"

"I'm kicking that idiot out of here," said Link writing Jigglypuff down.

"I'm gonna eliminate her ass like a raccoon fighting a bear on a hot Thursday!" analogized King Dedede as he wrote down Jigglypuff's name.

Jigglypuff wrote her name down and beamed at the camera.

Meta-Knight sighed and just randomly wrote some name down.

* * *

Next time on The Extra Smashy Survivor," said Koopa. "...King Dedede tries to rule his tribe!"

"_Join me, and we shall conquer!" cackled King Dedede in his Texan Accent._

"And Fox encounters a roadblock on the way to the detour- I mean uh never mind…"

* * *

**Survivors:**

_Tribe Koror:_ Lucario, Ness, Lucas, King Dedede, Jigglypuff, Meta-Knight, Yoshi, Olimar, Wolf, ROB, Mr. Game & Watch

_Team Platinum:_ Samus, Mewtwo, Fox, Falco, Captain Falcon, Ganondorf, Popo, Nana, Wario, Pit, Toon Link, Sonic

_Team Kiosk:_ Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Peach, Kirby, Diddy Kong, DK, Pikachu, Zelda, Snake, Marth, Ike

"35 people remain, who will be eliminated…next?" asked Koopa. "Aw crap, wrong script!"

* * *

Plz review and praise me, because you can. So whaddya say?

And vote on the poll who you liked!


	2. Day 892

**Disclaimer: **This is the part where I make the best excuse ever! My excuse is that because of the party four weeks ago, it got so out of control I woke up...owning a dog! I know, right? Anyways, here's the very, very long awaited Chapter two of Extra Survivor.

**Team Koror**

Lucario (Martial Arts Master)  
Ness (Gifted Student)  
Lucas (Psychic)  
King Dedede (King of Dreamland)  
Jigglypuff (Village Idiot)  
Meta-Knight (Code Breaker)  
Yoshi (Retired Actor)  
Captain Olimar (Hocotatian)  
Wolf (Space Corsair)  
R.O.B. (Robot)  
Mr. Game & Watch (Super Genius)

**Team Platinum**

Samus (Bounty Hunter)  
Mewtwo (Super Genius/Psychic)  
Fox (Starfox Employer)  
Falco (Starfox Employee)  
Captain Falcon (F-Zero Champion)  
Ganondorf (Super Villain)  
Popo (Mountaineer)  
Nana (Mountaineer)  
Wario (Entrepreneur)  
Pit (General of Palutena's Army)  
Toon Link (Treasure Hunter)  
Sonic (Athlete)

**Team Kiosk**

Mario (Super Hero)  
Luigi (Plumber)  
Bowser (Super Villain)  
Peach (Princess)  
Kirby (Puffball)  
Diddy Kong (Boy Scout)  
Donkey Kong (Firefighter)  
Pikachu (Pokemon Mascot)  
Zelda (Princess)  
Snake (Soldier)  
Marth (Swordsman)  
Ike (Anger Management Class-taker)

"Last time, on the Extra Survivor!" said Koopa Troopa, "Alliances rose, friendships fell. King Dedede and Lucario battled for the leadership title, while Jigglypuff and Meta-Knight had a near run-in with being voted out! Ah, hell, who even reads this sh*t..."

"891 days ago, the survivors came here, but now everyone's patience is wearing thin..." coughed Koopa, a full survivalists' beard having grown on him.

* * *

_Tribe Kiosk_

"I'm totally gonna be the last one to be around in my team, I mean, look at these idiots," pointed out Bowser. "Ike's a hothead, DK and Diddy are stupid, Kirby does nothing but eat our food, Zelda just whines half the time, Mario and Luigi are so idiotic, and Peach, Marth, Snake and Pikachu are pretty gullible."

Bowser realized that his entire tribe was behind him.

They glared angrily at Bowser.

"...And uh...then Mario threatened to shoot me if I didnt lie!" shouted Bowser randomly.

The others burned Mario to a stake.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

"I think we're going to get far, me and Lucario!" said Lucas, smiling. "After all, we are the smart ones of the group!"

Lucas felt a shock of pain and looked down, to see a knife through his stomach.

"One down, thirty-four to go!" cackled Ness evilly, taking out the knife and running away.

The cameraman backed away.

* * *

_Tribe Platinum_

"We have an immunity challenge!" said Samus.

"Oh awesome, man!" said Falcon. "Let's do this!"

"()," added Falco.

"We're gonna own these losers!" smiled Fox.

"I sense we have an immunity challenge," mused Mewtwo, having just arrived and reading Samus' mind.

"You can read minds?" asked Samus. "That's hot..."

Everyone stared at Samus.

"In an un-hot way..." explained Samus nervously.

Everyone looked away.

"Phew," said Samus, cartoonishly wiping the sweat off her forehead.

Everyone stared at Samus.

"DAMMIT LOOK AWAY" screamed Samus, shooting them all in their faces.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

"Dude, we've been on this island for 2 years, 5 months and 6 days man," whined Lucas, "Can we just go home now?"

"Has it really been that long?" mused Yoshi.

"Mwa-hahahaha!" cackled Ness in an overly evil manner, "I must now find a way to use the team morale against the figure heads Lucario and King Dedede, and after they destroy each other in battle, only I will stand alive after the slaughter hath ended!"

"...Aaaaand that is why we don't do Ecstasy," stated Yoshi calmly.

"Yarrr, I wish that young'n Ness would quit plottin'," said Wolf the pirate...wolf...thing.

"(Insert some copyrighted quote from YK's R.O.B. from his own Survivor fic)", said R.O.B.

"I sleep at night with one eye open in fear of the penguin catching me breathing independently..." panted Olimar, looking left and right, to and fro anxiously.

"Hey, who made this mess? This is filthy! Filthy, I say!" said an angered Lucario, looking at the scattered firewood and ashes.

"Oh, that would be me." stated Meta-Knight simply.

"Why didn't you pick up after yourself?" asked Lucario.

"I don't believe in the 'Cluttered workspace equals a cluttered mind'," replied Meta-Knight lazily.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT RELEVANT?" screamed Lucario.

* * *

_Lucario  
Martial Arts Master  
Age: 162  
Tribe Koror_

"People seem to think I'm a brash, harsh person," admitted Lucario, "And I'm not gonna lie, I can be a real jackass when I want to be. But people just need to learn not to mess with me, I'm just not the kind of guy to mess with."

* * *

_Reward Challenge_

"For whoever wins this reward challenge, they will win... ...ready... FLINT!" said Koopa dramatically. "The two tribes competing will be Koror and Platinum..."

"We don't need flint, we already have everything we need," pointed out Olimar. "Because you do know _we're actually on an island with civilization, righ_-"

Koopa Troopa pulled out a shotgun and blew his head off.

Everyone looked shocked.

"Did you just- What the hell- How did yo-..." spluttered Lucas.

"Anyone else want to question me?" asked Koopa, reloading the shotgun.

Everyone shook their heads vigorously.

"Now, the challenge is to complete this obstacle course, and you must pick three people from your team to attempt it. You have thirty seconds to choose who, now go." stated Koopa, a dangerous, near insane glint in his eye.

The two teams huddled up.

"Okay, we should draw stones or something, that'll make it fair," said Lucario.

"Are any of you forgetting that the host just killed one of our tribe members in cold blood on live TV?" asked Yoshi, looking horrified.

Lucas, still paralyzed with fear from the murder he witnessed, just stood standing, unable to speak.

"BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" said Mr. Game & Watch.

"Um, he volunteered to do it," voiced Yoshi anxiously, obviously not wanting to try the task.

"I shall attempt," said R.O.B.

"We just need one more person!" said King Dedede.

...

"Well? Is anyone willing to accept the challenge for the tribe?" asked Lucario.

"I shall do it!" cackled Ness evilly.

_Meanwhile..._

"Okay, I say you do it," said Fox, pointing to Samus. "You're real athletic, right?"

"Sure, why not?" smirked Samus, posing.

"Let Sonic do it! Sonic's the best!" boasted Sonic.

"We need one more person to try out for the challenge..." mused Falco.

"Why don't you do it?" asked Fox, sneering.

"Well then, I guess I'll try for it." shrugged Falco.

"We have our three," said Mewtwo, pointing to Samus, Sonic and Falco.

"And ours as well," replied Lucario, indicating Mr. Game & Watch, R.O.B. and Ness.

"Alrighty! Now I tell you the catcher!" giggled Koopa gleefully with insanity.

Everyone face-palmed.

"Now, the six competitors better race fast, because if they don't..." Koopa signalled the animal trainers, who let loose a pack of wolves, obviously containing rabies.

"On your marks..."

The six racers readied themselves.

"Get set..."

Sonic, Samus, Mr. Game & Watch, Ness and R.O.B. all ran early, due to the fact the wolves were already upon the starting line.

"GO...!"

Falco, having rather die with honor than to live with none, screamed in terror as the seven giant monstrous wolves feasted on his carcass, planning to eat him alive from the inside out. The lupines set upon him like a lion on a gazelle, tearing him into pieces as he gave out one good long scream.

...

Blood splattered into Jigglypuff's face for no apparent reason.

Everyone else gasped as they watched the life-scarring scene.

Sonic took the lead, reaching the rock wall with ease.

"Oh no!" said Sonic, with mock surprise. "A rock wall! My only weakness! How could the producers do this to me?"

Samus pushed past him, climbing up with desperation, hotly followed by Mr. Game & Watch.

Sonic stood there, shaking his head.

Ness pushed past, panting heavily.

Sonic stood there, shaking his head.

R.O.B. barely passed Sonic in time to avoid being the next in death's line.

Sonic was still standing there, shaking his head as the pack set upon him, finishing him with ease.

Samus was passed by Mr. Game & Watch, who made it to the top. He then went down the random kid slide and landed safely at the bottom. Noticing the finish line twenty yards away, he marched stolidly towards the finish line.

...He fell to his death in a half-centimeter wide hole, which led straight to Earth's mantle, where he tumbled and turned all the way to the bottom to his untimely demise.

Ness was just about to pass Samus when she kicked him right in the crotch, making him tumble towards the earth.

Just before he hit the ground where a wild pack of rabid wolves awaited him, he latched onto R.O.B., barely managing to grip the main power cable.

Ness blatantly ripped the cable out and knocked R.O.B.'s lifeless robo-corpse to fall, and climbed with haste in order to catch up to Samus.

Samus, however, was just four feet away from the finish line when Ness threw his conveniently-equipped throwing knife right in her back.

Ness casually approached the finish line, waving mockingly to the shocked viewers of the gruesome obstacle course.

"...And Tribe Koror has won the Reward Challenge!" said Koopa, shooting Samus, the loser of the game.

Blood splattered into Jigglypuff's face for no apparent reason.

Ness waved to the crowd, smiling evilly.

Everyone else just stared, still amazed by the randomly occurring massacre.

"Um...wow... was that supposed to happen?" asked Toon Link.

* * *

_Ness  
Gifted Student  
Age: 13  
Tribe Koror_

"How do I feel about the challenge?" asked Ness, finding this all fairly amusing. "The challenge was a piece of cake! And no, I never liked R.O.B., he was too nosy for his own good... no one believed me when I said I was going to kill to win, and looks like they're all too shocked to save their own hides!"

* * *

_Jigglypuff  
Village Idiot  
Age: ?  
Tribe Koror_

Jigglypuff said nothing, merely standing there, smiling dumbly, as the dried blood from Samus and Falco began to stick to her puffy pink fur/skin/pelt/whatever.

* * *

_Wario  
Entrepreneur  
Age: 35  
Tribe Platinum_

"Hahahah, Wario never liked Samus anyways, or Sonic or whoever the third guy was, as long as I am one step closer to being the ultimate survivor!" cackled Wario, twirling his mustache in his fingers.

* * *

_Tribe Kiosk_

"Hey guys, something bad has happened!" said Pikachu, signalling everyone to come near, "One of the survivors died, killed by the host!"

"Really?" asked Mario, trying to not sound interested.

"Yeah, I saw the whole thing myself, I thought you should all know!" said Pikachu.

Everyone gasped.

"...And Luigi commited suicide," added Pikachu, trying to look surprised.

No one cared.

...

"Actually-a, I just paid to see-a what your reactions would-a be," stated Luigi calmly, stepping into the sunlight.

Bowser ate him.

* * *

_Tribe Koror_

Everyone said nothing, merely keeping their distance from one another, wary of the manslaughter that had only occurred just less than an hour ago.

"Dude..." said Lucas finally. "That was... just too much..."

"Sun's going down," added Yoshi. "We should all rest for tomorrow..."

"Everyone, hit the hay..." said Lucario in a restrained tone.

The remaining eight Koror members laid their heads on the hard jungle ground, reflecting inwardly on the events that had occured.

* * *

_Tribe Platinum campgrounds_

Ness, cackling evilly to himself, silently slit Falcon's throat with his rusty knife, humming a tune to himself insanely as he also murdered Toon Link but hid his body, unlike Falcon's, which he purposely left in the open.

* * *

_First Sunlight  
Start of Day 893_

_Tribe Koror_

"Okay guys, let's get to work, I hear that tribes Platinum and Kiosk have an immunity challenge going on today, so let's get prepared for what is to come..." said Lucario.

King Dedede muttered something under his breath rebelliously.

_Immunity Challenge_

"And now for the second immunity challenge!" said Koopa. "This is between Tribes Platinum and Kiosk!"

With Koopa was the Kiosk tribe, which had woken up early and was marching with him to the Platinum tribal grounds.

They arrived, only to find them still asleep.

"Hey guys- wake up!" said Diddy Kong, kicking Ganondorf and Popo awake.

"Guys, someone's killed Falcon!" said Ganondorf angrily. "What coward would have murdered my wingman at night?"

"Shut up, jackass, some of us are trying to catch up on our sleep," muttered Wario angrily, trying to go back into said sleep.

"Well, whoever murdered him, it wasn't me," shrugged Pit.

"How do we know it wasn't?" asked Ganondorf angrily. "It could have been **you**!"

"Yeah, well, maybe it was you, idiot," snarled Pit.

"You'll pay for your arrogance!" howled Ganondorf as he jumped Pit, thrashing him soundly.

Wario jumped in to help his smoking buddy, while Popo and Nana went in to back up Ganondorf.

Tribe Koror just arrived in time for things to _really_ get out of hand.

"Dude, we should totally leave ourselves out of it," said Yoshi, not wanting to get involved.

"I say we should join the fight," said Lucario, without thinking of the consequences.

"Shut the hell up, Lucario! I've had enough of your authority, the rest of us don't seem to enjoy following orders from yah," said Dedede menacingly, holding his hammer tightly.

"Back off, Dedede, before I really make this personal," threatened Lucario.

"Yeah, leave him alone, you fatass," hissed Lucas, jumping to Lucario's side.

Wolf was about to comment on how they should just simply kill other tribe members and work together when suddenly a knife seemed to appear right through his back and out his chest, simply gasping his last breath.

Blood splattered into Jigglypuff's face for no apparent reason.

Ness cackled and kicked Wolf's lifeless body to the ground.

Lucas tackled him and together they rolled down the hill.

Fox used his blaster to shoot Nana straight between the eyes, killing her instantly, only to have his head bashed in by Popo.

Popo, however, was telekinetically grabbed by Mewtwo and was forcibly combusted by Mewtwo's psychic powers.

Bowser, seeing the free-for-all as an attempt to murder his arch-nemesis, Bowser whipped around and spewed fire where Mario was standing only seconds ago.

Instead, Bowser caught Zelda on fire, who merely ran in circles, in vain attempt to put herself out. She crumpled to the ground, dead.

By this time, Snake was back with the firewood, and came across the free-for-all.

His eye twitched involuntarily, as he watched the battle royale unfold, reminding him of his days in 'Nam. He dropped the firewood, and immediately grabbed a hapless Yoshi who had been trying to avoid the conflict altogether, and snapped his neck like a twig.

He then pulled out dual silenced Glocks and shot both Peach and Kirby at the same time.

He threw his first Glock into the air, threw the other one at Bowser to knock him down, side-kicked Diddy Kong so hard he fell dead, back flipped into the air, grabbed the falling Glock pistol, and shot a charging DK repeatedly until he collapsed.

King Dedede parried a blow from Lucario, knocked him off his feet, and crushed Lucario with a single hefty blow from his hammer, ending Lucario's jurisdiction for good.

Ganondorf was just about to give the death blow to Pit, when Ness threw Lucas' decapitated head at him, knocking him off his feet, followed by shooting him repeatedly in the chest, followed by shooting Pit once in the forehead.

Snake was fighting off both Marth and Ike together, and used his army knife to impale Marth's hand to the ground, and while Marth cried out in pain, he punched Ike so hard in the stomach he died from his abdomen rupturing. Snake then knocked Marth out, leaving him to bleed to death.

Mario and Bowser were fighting in the midst of it all, planning to end one another once and for all.

King Dedede then arrived, and all three battled each other, relentlessly going for one another's jugulars.

Ness arrived, having successfully killing his rival Lucas, and planning on finishing off anyone else who intended to stand against him.

Mario was just about to kill Bowser, when Wario accidentally got in the middle of it, taking the bullet for Bowser.

Bowser used his tail to trip Mario, and then the tables were turned, Bowser about to finish the plumber, when Snake ran in, killing both with his MP5K.

Ness gave an evil cackle, twirling his skinning knife within his fingers, ready to take the prize as the ultimate survivor, aiming the knife at Mewtwo.

Snake grinned mischievously, the MP5K in his hands, pointed directly at Ness.

King Dedede activated the Jet Hammer, and raised it to slam it into Snake.

Mewtwo, the sole survivor for the Platinum tribe, stood menacingly, focusing all his energy to deal the finishing move to all who remained.

Pikachu, Meta-Knight and Jigglypuff merely watched, with a mixture of shock and fear.

...

Jigglypuff died from AIDS, due to the amount of blood she was covered in.

Pikachu started running for it.

Meta-Knight, too lazy to run, just decided to sit and watch, hoping for the best -which, at this rate, was probably a quick, painless death-.

Ness, Snake, King Dedede, and Mewtwo all stood at the ready.

Snake pulled the trigger.

...

"Damn it," swore Snake, dropping the gun, and reaching for his pistol.

King Dedede saw his chance, swung his hammer, Snake a few milliseconds away from instant death.

Ness threw the skinning knife at King Dedede, seeing him leave himself vulnerable.

Mewtwo, calculating what was going to happen, used his telekinesis to pick up Ness, who was laughing in despair at his fate, and Mewtwo made Ness combust, killing the psychotic boy instantly.

Snake had just pulled out his pistol, fired one good shot at Mewtwo, then the hammer hit him and he died upon the blow from the force.

King Dedede died as well from Ness' knife, his life force already gone before he even hit the ground.

Mewtwo fell, mortally wounded from the gun shot.

Meta-Knight sat there, taking it all in.

...

Seeing what had to be done, he walked over, took the pistol, shot Mewtwo right in the head, and did a fist pump.

"Yeah! Suck it! I'm the real winner, bitches! I've won, you're all dead, and I'm the last damn man standing!" cheered Meta-Knight.

Koopa Troopa finally regained his composure, then cleared his throat.

"Well then, by the power invested in me," said Koopa, still amazed by the turn of events, "I declare Meta-Knight, as the victor of the Extra Survivor show!"

No one applauded, seeing as everyone was dead or gone.

...

* * *

**Rankings:**

_**Winner**_- Meta-Knight  
_2nd Place_- Mewtwo (Executed)  
_3rd Place_- King Dedede (Stabbed)  
_4th Place_- Solid Snake (Force Trauma)  
_5th Place_- Ness (Spontaneous Combustion)  
_6th Place_- Pikachu (Deserted)  
_7th Place_- Jigglypuff (AIDS'd)  
_8th Place_- Bowser (Shot)  
_9th Place_- Mario (Shot)  
_10th Place_- Wario (Split in Half)  
_11th Place_- Marth (Bled out)  
_12th Place_- Ike (Abdomen Rupture)  
_13th Place_- Pit (Shot)  
_14th Place_- Ganondorf (Shot)  
_15th Place_- Lucario (Crushed)  
_16th Place_- DK (Shot)  
_17th Place_- Diddy Kong (Spinal fracture)  
_18th Place_- Kirby (Executed)  
_19th Place_- Peach (Executed)  
_20th Place_- Yoshi (Asphyxiation)  
21st Place- Zelda (Burned)  
22nd Place- Popo (Spontaneous Combustion)  
23rd Place- Fox (Crushed)  
24th Place- Nana (Executed)  
25th Place- Wolf (Backstabbed)

_**WHERE THEY ARE NOW:**_

**Meta-Knight** went to live on his dreams of not doing a damn thing and making everyone else do everything for him, and with the money he made a monument... of himself.

**Pikachu **was last seen running like a madman to Hawaii. His current whereabouts are unknown.

**Link**, seeing the 'Shinto Island Massacre' on TV, simply laughed at everyone else's' misfortune and settled down to have a family in Hyrule, with a new wife, since Zelda died in the firefight.

**Koopa Troopa** went through extensive therapy and underwent massive emotional changes, becoming what he is today: The current host of TESAR season 2.

**FIN.  
**


End file.
